There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
