He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
