My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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