could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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