i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
