i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She bit a glass in half.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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