That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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