My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I want to fling myself into the sun
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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