the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
