im six kinds of drunk right now
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
