I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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