we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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