Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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