That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
