i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Green mimosas i think yes
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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