so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
