Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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