I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I lost the right to judge tonight
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize