Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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