does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
