If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
