I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
