i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
being pregnant is like rehab
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
