What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
my penis made a compromise with my morals
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
