We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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