If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
