I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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