Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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