the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
