So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
