So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
