i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Actions speak louder than pants.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
