Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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