At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
