I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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