I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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