He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
