was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
