i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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