i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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