U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
