About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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