ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
