Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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