Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize