i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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