a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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