i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
