so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
