chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
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