I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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