Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
