so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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