I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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