i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
