I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize