You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
