He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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