Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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