I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
