What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
