I heard we made out
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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