he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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