The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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