If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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