Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
