I can tuck mytits in my pants
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
