I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
