you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
