I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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