she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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