You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
