Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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