i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
