My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
