I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i came on her dog
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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