Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
