its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
