So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
did you just send me my own nude
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
