this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I will be naked everywhere
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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