I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
