and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize