frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
