I just cut my nipple shaving
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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