She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize