I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
