Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize