I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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