She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize