the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
