Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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