You made me cry and you don't even care
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
