i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
im holly from the hills drunk
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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