real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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