sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just found a bag of teeth...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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