she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize