Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
soo... how was my night?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
